days seem sometimes as if they'll never end
the sun digs its heels to taunt you
Hi everyone! Happy April. I kept thinking I needed to make a substack for the first of the month and I forgot, like the real fool of April Fool’s.
But anyway.
How did March treat you? For some reason the worst events of my little life always tend to happen in March, as if the weird transitional nature of the month (winter to spring, long nights to long days, bare trees to blooming flowers) invites the most horrid energy to enter my life.
Nothing actually happened this time, but I’ve been feeling like I’m swimming in a lake unable to see what’s under the water’s surface and still struggling to keep my nose above water. While it’s not as bad as it was in February, I still feel like my mental health has taken a dive and I don’t like it.
Alas. Life goes on, all the time.
What did I do in March? I went to the National Museum of Modern Art with one my best friends, like I mentioned in the February substack, and it was a very fun day. I love women in art (and in STEM) and I think they have a lot more to say than straight white men. Getting lunch after was fun, too. My friends are my primary reason to live.
I downloaded Bumble, again. Nothing has come out of it (again) but I am talking to one of my matches. I hate how cold they render conversations and getting to know someone though. Do you get what I mean? I wish everything was more organic, but there are so many factors in my life (and in my personality, really) that make that more difficult than it should be. Maybe one day dating apps won’t make me want to close my self off in a woman’s monastery forever. Maybe.
Partying at school for carnaval was also a fun day. Me in 80s clothing was a hit, though not one kid got our costumes since none of them were born before 2012 (terrifying, I know). We had a party at home, too, where I dressed up as a night sky (complete with constellations on my face done with makeup and little diamond stickers). We weren’t a huge group but we had a lot of food, alcohol, and a karaoke mic, so everything turned out perfectly.
This month should be largely fun. We have a couple of school trips until the Easter holidays (one of them being the Acropolis hill) and on the 26th (the day of my Rome trip!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) we’re going to see Les Misérables for kids! No idea how they made it into a kids’ adaptation but they say it’s pretty good. We’ll see.
I really need to get around to reading that, by the way. It’s been sitting in my tbr for far too long.
On that note, let’s all judge my media consumption!
books
Finished A hundred days of solitude and Fearing the Black Body! Both excellent reads, but I don’t think I would read the first one again. I talked about them in my previous substack so I won’t expand on them here, but you can check February’s substack if you really want.
I also started and finished (right on March 31st) We Real Cool: Black Men and Masculinity by bell hooks. I’ve been wanting to read bell hooks for quite a while, and this seemed a fascinating read. I was absolutely right, too. Beyond my love for her writing style, it was a really informative (and well-researched, evidently) read about the dangers of toxic masculinity (particularly in the Black-American community, obviously) and how along with racism and intergenerational trauma it keeps reinforcing dangerous and painful patriachical ideals for men and women. Non-feminists always harp on and on like “what about the men?????!?!?!?!?”, and this book actually answers that. bell hooks says, well, here are the men. Here is how they have been and still currently suffer. Here is what we can do about it. Such a brilliant mind. I can’t wait to read other works by her, too.
For my fictional read of the month, I’m working on Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert. I’m currently about 70% through with it (according to Storygraph), so I should be done soon. I haven’t read more of Sword of Destiny as I honestly haven’t felt like being on my laptop a lot. For the past couple of months, maybe in response to my dipping mental health, I’ve latched on to a more “cottagecore” approach to my life -or as much as I can, since I live in a small apartment in the center of a big city, pretty far from nature- and I’ve been focusing on less screen-time hobbies like reading and colouring books. I want to try something more hands-on, like origami or puzzles, and I’ve honestly been curious about embroidery, but I can’t even sew so that’s going to have to wait.
For my non-fictional read, I just started Orientalism by Edward Said. I’ve heard a lot of people talk about the book, so it’s been on my tbr list forever. It felt like the right time to start it. I’ll let you know how it goes on next month’s post.
tv and movies
Surprise of all surprises, I’ve watched three whole movies this month! Two out of three were the Dune movies, one pirated with my roommate and the other in cinemas. Very fun, although me writing about this right after I mentioned Orientalism is hilariously ironic. I can’t speak on behalf of any of the people affected by the representation of Arabic peoples (is that the right term? I saw a couple of posts saying the depictions of the Fremen in the movies -and books I guess- rresembles the Bedouin peoples, but I can’t be certain) but as science fiction/action movies they were pretty well made. Timothée Chalamet was also surprisingly good. I wasn’t familiar with your game, Tim.
The third movie I watched was Showgirls (1995) directed by Paul Verhoeven. I had attempted to watch this years ago, but I couldn’t get past the first twenty minutes for some reason. It’s not objectively a good movie, but it is iconic, camp, visually stunning at points, and gay, so I did enjoy most of it.
I haven’t made a lot of progress on watching all the shows I’ve started, but I did start Cherry Magic (the anime), which is cheesy and fun, and an easy watch while I eat. I’ll take anything at this point really.
music
I have added much to my “to listen” playlist but I haven’t actually done any listening to it. I’ve been listening to a lot more indie these days though, since my brain craves any relaxation it can get. These are the songs I’ve added to my Liked on Spotify in March:
Māori Ki Te Ao- Stan Walker (very beautiful song in what is I believe the Maori language and has a stunning music video)
Dear My All- Mingginyu
We Go Down Together- Dove Cameron, Khalid
Dancing In The Rain- Rad Museum
Tip Toe- HYBS
Spinnin- Madison Beer
Alice in Wonderland- Joanna Wang
Control- Zoe Wees
Dancing in the Dark- Bruce Springsteen
Deo’s Erotas- Daemonia Nymphae (an ensemble duo formed in Greece, they focus on improvising on ancient Greek instruments! Very beautiful songs, so I recommend them if you’re interested in learning how ancient Greek music might have sounded like!)
Too Sweet- Hozier (I haven’t listened to the whole EP yet, and although I did like Too Sweet, I don’t think it’s one of Hozier’s strongest, lyrically)
Other than my media consumption, a lot of my time has been occupied by the course I’m currently taking for free on Coursera, about Ancient Egypt! I love learning about new stuff, and as a young gay I loved watching and reading anything related, so I’m having a lot of fun and learning new things! Who knows what I’ll enroll in next. We’ll find out together next month.
That’s it from me. I hope March treated you and your loved ones well, and I hope April brings nothing but love, joy, and lots of good food. See you in 30 days!
All my love.
Until next time.
post title is the first two lines of the song above. give it a listen if you want